Blargh

I completely forgot this blog existed for a while.  Whups.

Anywho, I'm going to attempt an update post here.  There really isn't much kin-related going on that I  know of, but at this point I'm okay with just throwing some stuff out there just to have it written down.  Besides, maybe the things I  write now will be important later on.  You never know.

First, I'd like to address my last post.  I can safely say I  haven't had another "yes, let us dive face-first into some raw meat" moment.  I should consider keeping a log for things like this.  Then again, I don't always record my dreams in my dream journal.  Still, I should at least try.  I have plenty of spare notebooks, after all.

Second, I've actually started back up with some off-and-on spiritual work.  There was a time when I  set aside one day a week to read, meditate, reflect, things like that.  Then I fell out of the habit.  Really, it's a pattern.  I keep a groove going where I  stay on-track, then I miss or forget one day and I just flat-out lose what I was doing.  My capacity to make and break habits is amazing.  Annoying.  Amazingly annoying.  It's another thing to be worked on.

I have no idea how many paragraphs this is going to take.  I'll just break free of the numbering system for now.  Brace for rambling and subject-hopping.

Much of my time has been spent idling and procrastinating.  Not a good way to burn hours, but it's the one habit I haven't managed to break.  Classes, I  think, have been going well.  I've noticed that I spend more time this semester on Anatomy &  Physiology than any other subject.  Granted, we're doing organic- and bio-chemistry right now, which has not been my strong suit.  I have three other classes right now, but it's so easy to just let myself get lost in human structure and function that I just let other deadlines creep up on me.  It's honestly making me question if paralegal studies is what I should be in, or if I ought to switch over to something that would put my penchant for bits to good use.  But I am a chronic major-hopper, and I fear completion.  Finishing this and moving on from college is nerve-wracking for me.  Will I survive in the world?  Am I really ready for it?  Did I somehow pass into adulthood, or am I still just a kid waiting for my parents to do everything?

And there's the anxiety.  Yeesh.

Perhaps weaving my soul-work in with my everyday work will help.  I need confidence in both departments, and it may do some distinct good to learn balance.  I'm only slightly off-kilter (at minimum); figuring out how to pull myself together and keep work and play from interfering with each other... yeah, I need to do that.

We are never done working, learning, looking, improving, and the storm is never as terrifying as the anticipation of it.